The perfect illusion

I have read a lot about Wabi Sabi in recent years and think I have an idea of what it means. But that doesn't mean that I always, every day of the year, have a "wabi sabi perspective." I think it's important to remember that when you learn something new and rewarding and keep developing it, it doesn't mean that your outlook changes immediately and forever. And there is something incredibly beautiful about always being able to improve, develop and come to new insights. Because it is a feeling that is absolutely amazing! It is, for me, a key to living a happy life.

I can have weeks where I feel that I have the perspective on life I want and that is when I feel at my best. But to be in that state of mind, I need to maintain and remind myself of that perspective. I think that's the case with most things. It is something that Wabi Sabi and many "perspective-talks" with my husband have taught me.

To think that life must be perfect for it to be a happy life is to think that the sun will always shine. Nature needs rain and therefore it is not a bad thing. In the same way, life is not complete without setbacks. The key is not a life without suffering, but a life where you can see suffering as something beautiful.

A few years ago I listened to an episode of a morning radio show from Swedish Radio where a professor talked about suffering. Unfortunately, I do not remember exactly which episode it was, but one thing he talked about was today's attitude towards suffering as something to avoid, but in fact suffering often means that we have felt love. We have loved, we have mourned, and we have lived. It is when you dare to be open to all emotions that you can achieve real happiness. When sorrow and suffering are part of life and mean something beautiful. There is something powerful about that insight that is liberating.

When you begin to live your life openly and honestly without avoiding or rejecting feelings of sadness and suffering, life becomes complete. This is something I am trying to improve for myself. It has helped me during times of grief. It´s also a way of looking at things in everyday life that makes a big difference.

A recent example of that from my life is when we were on a vacation trip in southern Sweden a few days ago. We have a long way to go to both my husband's parents and my parents so we always try to drive without long interruption to arrive faster, but this time we took a tent with us and stayed a night in nature on both the way there and home. I had checked out some interesting nature reserves we could visit and thought it wouldn't be so difficult to find tent sites close to such places. I didn't realize how much restrictions there are on nature reserves and the first night we were looking for a tent site until 01.30 pm. We ended up on a small forest road at some hiking trails. The ground was full of cones and my air mattress didn't want to fill up with air. I slept quite badly and woke up early in the morning because a man walked his dog and talked loudly on the phone around the hiking trails. He must have gone a special round because he came past us two or three times while we were packing up.

On the hunt for a camping place

The second night in the tent was on our way home and this time I had a different technique when searching for tent places. I really like to fish (even though I rarely get fish and don't know much about it yet) so I was looking for a fishing lake along the way. We found a suitable lake and arrived just in time for sunset. I bought a fishing license and thought I would have time to fish a bit before we went to bed. My husband fixed the tent, which is quite difficult to do by yourself, so that I could fish a little. I casted maybe five times before the line got messed up, so I had to cut it off and chose a larger bait. The first two throws went well, the third I caught an old lure from the bottom and on the fourth cast I got stuck in the bottom. I walked along the edge of the lake to be able to get it loose but without result. I cut the line a second time. It started to get darker so I quickly tied a leader and thought I'd throw some lighter baits. When I was going to cut the line next to the knot, I cut wrong line and cut off the knot and the leader. About here, both me and my husband were quite tired of having such trouble so I went to the tent and gave up on fishing that time. The next morning I was tired and very disappointed. It was mostly just a bunch of trouble and complications.

The truth is much more nuanced than that. Which I could see after some talking with my husband and distance from the feelings.

The first night when we were looking for a tent site, we drove around on small roads next to a small town and saw places we had never seen if it were not for the fact that we were looking for a tent site. No magnificent views but cozy little roads with summer cottages and a magical dense fog. It was several years since we last camped and it is something very special to be able to wake up in the middle of the woods. The man waking us up with his phone call became a funny part of the trip, my husband had walked out of the tent when he came by a second time, me and our Shiba, Mori were still in the tent and Mori wanted to go out and bark / greet the passerby's dog. She jumped towards the closed opening in the tent so that the whole tent rolled forward.

The fog from when we search for our first tenting site

The last night on the way home we drove along a stretch where we got to see a fantastic sunset. And on the way out to the lake we saw a moose and a capercaillie. The moose I missed to get on a photo but the capercaillie I managed to get a picture of.

Eurasian capercaillie

And despite all the trouble with the fishing, it was exciting because the fish were very active in the meantime, I got to see several jumps in the lake and the excitement was definitely there!

But the best thing about that camping was to wake up by the lake in the morning. The birds singing and a light mist over the water. As mentioned, there is something special about waking up in the middle of the woods.

I can write about more both annoying and wonderful moments with the trip, but I hope this makes it clearer what I'm trying to say. Because it is the whole package, hassle and disappointment, beautiful landscapes and fun experiences that make life exciting and valuable.

We often think that the experiences of others are perfect because it is the perfect, edited moments that we get to see, and the only way to find happiness is to reach perfection. But in fact, it is to see the beauty in the imperfect that brings happiness. Wabi Sabi teaches you to see that it is the cracks in life that make it beautiful. It's in the imperfect that happiness exists and time, changes and all parts of life are what makes life beautiful. Learn to enjoy both sunshine and rain and the weather will no longer have a hold on you.

I need to remind myself of this perspective and practice at it. And by being open and honest with myself I get better at it. That doesn't mean I am always in that right state of mind or have it all figured out. It means I am learning and evolving and will keep on doing that.

So even though things are both good and bad and life is filled with both happiness and sorrow, you can learn to love life as it is. And there's no end to how good you can be at enjoying life, how wonderful is that?